Time to catch up on the real

wow. it has been almost 3 years since i've written on here...#fail. <<<---- thats a knew little ditty on social media right there since i've been on. #hashtagging. who comes up with this stuff anyway? i am resonating lately with that old saying that goes something like "isn't it funny how day to day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different." just even looking back at a few of my posts when i first started this blog up until now. i remember starting it with a purpose in mind about "me". i wanted to not be obligated to share everything about my marriage, motherhood adventures, things i made or didnt, etc....i just wanted to share whatever i was thinking about on whatever said day, and whatever came to my mind. OBVIOUSLY it didn't take me very far. i realize why now. usually when we have selfish motives, no matter how pure we think they are, or how validated we feel, eventually, truth wins and things just do not turn out the way we expect them to. i'm going to be really raw and honest. i was having a bit of a rough go at life. from the outside looking in, you may think "what??, why??, she's got it made." the truth of the matter is, i did, and do have it made. i will never deny how undeserving and blessed i am. but thats not my point at the moment. i remember feeling a bit lost. though i was on a straight & awesome road to success with my business, had a man who loved me at home, 3 beautiful healthy children, a position volunteering at our churches youth group, and some really great friends to call on, i was struggling with trying to figure out my title. did i have a title? where do i fit in all of those things and how? is it enough? is it too much? what if it's not right? maybe there's something better? #Danger
These thoughts & feelings, all very real, manifested into something very dangerous, unhealthy, and damaging because I chose to stay in that place for awhile. I found people, even people with the best intentions, were quick to "comfort" and validate me. I liked that. Who doesn't like being "right"? Right? I don't want to go into a ton of detail, because it is very painful and very personal. I hope you understand and respect that. I will however share with you, that the place I was in lasted a good 2, close to 3 years. Sin is a beautiful thing and the world does a wonderful job at making things "ok". #lies Its all lies. Let me repeat, and I'm not trying to preach, but Satan is very real, very active, and he is a liar. I'm also not trying to play the blame game. I've got a long list of excuses, experiences, and people in my life to blame. But that's a cop out. And it's wrong. I was very aware of the thoughts I allowed myself to think, the choices I chose to make, and the God I chose to put in a box and pull out when I needed him.
Meanwhile, my health. It was declining. Stress is no good on the body. In fact, it can be a killer. No joke. 1 ectopic pregnancy, 4 surgeries, and a few autoimmune-deficientcies  & developed food allergies later, I am living breathing proof, that there's a reason Gods got a plan, and you should follow along. He really is Good. His heart. His character. His personal touch in all of our lives. What a wonderful savior. What an amazing true gentleman. He goes before me, stands behind, waiting for me while I screw up, still holding the door open for me, and says "here, give me your heart and let me turn your mess into something beautiful." Who does that?!?! Oh. God. And sometimes my husband. Because he's just really great like that.
I want to encourage you, whoever might be reading this. Never give up on what is good. Even if it doesn't "feel" right at the moment. I'm not disregarding feelings. Anyone who knows me personally, knows I am one emotional, "feeling", hot mess more times than not. I can't help it. It's just the way I'm wired I suppose. But! I'm learning where I allow these feelings to go and to always compare them with Who God is and what He says. Because that is where truth lies. I like that too. So much. Quiet your world every so often, say no to self a little more, and read more. Open your heart & mind to Jesus who pleads for and awaits you every day. I by no means am finished, perfect, or even really smart. My children remind me of that almost daily. ;) But this I am sure of: "Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
~Philippians 1:6 #thankful